Welcome to


Losers Anonymous


I am not only the president, I am also a member

I know what you all are thinking: "How can this strikingly good-looking guy be a loser? That's impossible!"
But not so, my friends. Yes, I too am a loser.
Let me tell you a little about myself:

  1. I am a college drop-out
  2. I've spent the past 15 years of my life selling hot-tubs. Yep, just call me the Al Bundy of hot-tubs!
  3. I am currently unemployed
  4. I drink heavily on a daily basis
  5. I pop amphetamines and pain killers like candy
  6. I sleep in the garage of my house
  7. I spend my days downloading porn and spanking the monkey in the bathroom

Yes, my friends, hard to believe but true!

And the reason why I created Losers Anonymous is to prevent innocent people like you from becoming the worthless, deadbeat poor excuse of a human being I have become. All it takes is brains and willpower, none of which I have unfortunately, and you can avoid ending up like me, a boil on the face of humanity, a stain on the toilet bowl of society.
So join now! And if you qualify, you will even get to spend a day in my garage and watch me drink, get high and pass out on the floor. It may be hard to watch but it will be the best wake-up call you can ever get.
Remember, the first step to healing is acceptance. So repeat after me: "My name is Kevin and I am a loser".


This organization is sponsored by Smirnoff, Anheuser-Busch, our beloved drug manufacturers, and that great guy who provides me with awesome weed